zorkian: A picture of Oliver sitting up with his Dreamwidth onesie on! (Default)
Mark Smith ([personal profile] zorkian) wrote2011-12-01 11:17 pm
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lessons in babies

I have learned an important lesson about baby boys.

In short, it seems that the waste elimination system that feeds his butt and the one that feeds his penis are on separate timers. (You parents know where this is going already, I bet.)

The practical side of this lesson is that I have now, something like five times, been in the middle of changing a diaper stained, smeared, or otherwise full of poop and have felt a startlingly warm and wet sensation followed shortly after by the thought "aw damn, he's peed on me again!" I've been getting better about positioning the new diaper and catching it, but it's quite the tricky maneuver.

It's not the end of the world, of course, but it means more laundry. I don't really prep for a golden shower as part of the changing ritual -- no plastic sheets or anything. Maybe I should?

Anyway, the shining moment in this story (and the reason for me posting this) was yesterday. I probably should feel bad about this but, alas, twenty-four hours later I'm still giggling. It was another standard poop filled diaper that I was cleansing from his buttocks and assorted boy parts -- if you've had a kid, you know exactly what I mean. That shit gets everywhere.

On this particular incident, I turned away for a moment to go throw away the diaper that I had just wrapped up. It was pretty full and needed to be somewhere other than on the changing surface. Out of nowhere and with great gusto, little Oliver started crying like only a very upset, startled, and angry baby can. Confused, since he normally doesn't start up the crocodile tears until the new diaper is going on, I turned back to see what was up.

Sure enough, the boy had decided to have another loose cannon incident. Unfortunately for him, though, this time the friendly fire was not on Daddy. Nope. This time, little Ollie managed to aim the cannon to attain a perfect bullseye. Poor kid managed to nail himself in the chest and face with his own warm surprise.

I managed to get him cleaned up and handed off to Ari for feeding before I collapsed in a helpless, giggling heap. I'm probably going to hell for this.
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[personal profile] rainbow 2011-12-02 08:38 am (UTC)(link)
since no has let you into the sekrit yet: a stack of clean solf washcloths, prefolds, cloth pads, etc next to the changing station is helpful as one can be laid over his groin to prevent sneak pee attacks during changes. they're all light, soft, and non irritating for him, and prevent shower baths for the parents. if one's not wet when you're done, it can go back for the next time; if it is, it goes in the diaper bucket/washing machine/whatever your diaper set up is.
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[personal profile] azurelunatic 2011-12-02 08:54 am (UTC)(link)
Hilarious moments like that are one of the payoffs for the other bits. :D
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[personal profile] niqaeli 2011-12-02 09:14 am (UTC)(link)
See, no, it's good that you're finding hilarity in moments like this; it's a good coping mechanism. (And small children really often are hilarious!)
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[personal profile] synecdochic 2011-12-02 11:44 am (UTC)(link)
Apparently the cannon tends to go off as soon as air hits it. *g*
hkellick: Dad and Boy reading a Hannukah book together! (Robert)

[personal profile] hkellick 2011-12-02 12:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Hah. R has peed on himself a few times. I think we were mother bothered by it than he was. Like.. oh, it's warm. OK. Not horrible.
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[personal profile] alierak 2011-12-02 01:42 pm (UTC)(link)
Heheh, all too familiar. You want a changing pad under him, not a plastic sheet.
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[personal profile] tajasel 2011-12-02 02:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Hahaha, oh dear!

(Just read this out to my mum, who says "I've been childminding for 20 years and I've never had a baby pee on me. I wonder what I'm doing right.")
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[personal profile] kareila 2011-12-02 03:57 pm (UTC)(link)
This is the reason someone invented "peepee teepees" although a dry washcloth works fine. :)
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[personal profile] alierak 2011-12-02 05:42 pm (UTC)(link)
... I am never going to be able to look at my VPN settings the same way again...
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[personal profile] hkellick 2011-12-02 05:43 pm (UTC)(link)
Or another cloth diaper if you go that route, as K and I did.
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[personal profile] kyrielle 2011-12-03 02:50 am (UTC)(link)
I think we've all been there. The light cloth thing over it to block is a good technique, but doesn't always work (it can fall off, be flailed off, etc.) - still, your odds are better.

If it makes you feel better, one of my friends has a story about changing her very soggy little girl, turning away to dispose of the diaper, and hearing an unfortunate splort. Not pee, no...and it was one of those 'flat-ended' changing pads, so right off the end and down the side of the changing table....

I'll take surprise pee ANY day.
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[personal profile] puzzlement 2011-12-17 07:50 pm (UTC)(link)
My son, once older (walking), removed a dirty nappy and left it somewhere. I discovered this encountering his pants-free dirty butt. Not fun, going looking for the nappy.
jeshyr: Blessed are the broken. Harry Potter. (Default)

[personal profile] jeshyr 2011-12-06 11:26 am (UTC)(link)
One of my brothers peed on the midwife immediately after being born ... personally I think they just like practicing their aim ;)

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[personal profile] puzzlement 2011-12-17 07:49 pm (UTC)(link)
My son managed to hit himself on the face on day 2 of life: it resulted in a very hurried first-ever bath. But my introduction to being eliminated on was even earlier: he was born without meconium in the water, but during our supposedly sweet first cuddles he emptied his bowel all over me under the blanket, and because there was a birth emergency in the next room, we just lay there for half an hour, both covered in mec.