Dec. 1st, 2011

zorkian: Icon full of binary ones and zeros in no pattern. (Default)
I have learned an important lesson about baby boys.

In short, it seems that the waste elimination system that feeds his butt and the one that feeds his penis are on separate timers. (You parents know where this is going already, I bet.)

The practical side of this lesson is that I have now, something like five times, been in the middle of changing a diaper stained, smeared, or otherwise full of poop and have felt a startlingly warm and wet sensation followed shortly after by the thought "aw damn, he's peed on me again!" I've been getting better about positioning the new diaper and catching it, but it's quite the tricky maneuver.

It's not the end of the world, of course, but it means more laundry. I don't really prep for a golden shower as part of the changing ritual -- no plastic sheets or anything. Maybe I should?

Anyway, the shining moment in this story (and the reason for me posting this) was yesterday. I probably should feel bad about this but, alas, twenty-four hours later I'm still giggling. It was another standard poop filled diaper that I was cleansing from his buttocks and assorted boy parts -- if you've had a kid, you know exactly what I mean. That shit gets everywhere.

On this particular incident, I turned away for a moment to go throw away the diaper that I had just wrapped up. It was pretty full and needed to be somewhere other than on the changing surface. Out of nowhere and with great gusto, little Oliver started crying like only a very upset, startled, and angry baby can. Confused, since he normally doesn't start up the crocodile tears until the new diaper is going on, I turned back to see what was up.

Sure enough, the boy had decided to have another loose cannon incident. Unfortunately for him, though, this time the friendly fire was not on Daddy. Nope. This time, little Ollie managed to aim the cannon to attain a perfect bullseye. Poor kid managed to nail himself in the chest and face with his own warm surprise.

I managed to get him cleaned up and handed off to Ari for feeding before I collapsed in a helpless, giggling heap. I'm probably going to hell for this.


zorkian: Icon full of binary ones and zeros in no pattern. (Default)
Mark Smith

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