zorkian: Icon full of binary ones and zeros in no pattern. (Default)
There is one really important thing about me that a lot of people might not pick up on immediately, and that is hard to get a feel for unless you hang out with me in person enough to really get to know me.

I have a very strong personality. I'll start with a quote about my personality type INTJ:

To outsiders, INTJs may appear to project an aura of "definiteness", of self-confidence. This self-confidence, sometimes mistaken for simple arrogance by the less decisive, is actually of a very specific rather than a general nature; its source lies in the specialized knowledge systems that most INTJs start building at an early age. When it comes to their own areas of expertise -- and INTJs can have several -- they will be able to tell you almost immediately whether or not they can help you, and if so, how. INTJs know what they know, and perhaps still more importantly, they know what they don't know.

Further down, another telling paragraph:

While they are capable of caring deeply for others (usually a select few), and are willing to spend a great deal of time and effort on a relationship, the knowledge and self-confidence that make them so successful in other areas can suddenly abandon or mislead them in interpersonal situations.

This happens in part because many INTJs do not readily grasp the social rituals; for instance, they tend to have little patience and less understanding of such things as small talk and flirtation (which most types consider half the fun of a relationship). To complicate matters, INTJs are usually extremely private people, and can often be naturally impassive as well, which makes them easy to misread and misunderstand. Perhaps the most fundamental problem, however, is that INTJs really want people to make sense. :-)

While I personally don't necessarily believe that any particular personality test, type, or label can define anybody very well, it's a useful jumping off point for discussion. I fit the above very, very well. I expect people to make sense, be reasonable, and be intelligent. At the same time, I'm willing to spend a "great deal of time and effort on a relationship" because I recognize that what I want is not really what reality offers, and everybody is different.

How does this affect you, dear reader?

Very succintly, it means that if you ever think, for one reason or another, that I am making you feel like an idiot on purpose, or that I am being an asshole to you because it's fun, or if you feel stupid because of something I said: it's not you, it's me, and if you let me know, I will correct the situation.

I have spent many years working on my ability to swallow my pride and fucking apologize when I hurt someone. But it's damn near impossible to actually do that if I don't know there's a problem. If I hear about it from someone who read about it somewhere, then I don't really know how I can address the problem and make someone feel better because I made them feel bad. Which is never my intent.

I'm a very logical person, and I don't have very good sensors for when I say something that bothers someone. It's not because I don't care, because I emphatically do. It's just how my brain works, what things I see and don't see, and how fast I typically go. I optimize for getting technical things accomplished, which means it's difficult for me to have a quality conversation. I can't code and watch how I'm saying things at the same time, I've found.

One thing I want to state again and hope that I'm being really clear on is that I do not want anybody to ever feel bad because of something I say or do. If that happens, then I have failed, and you (or someone you delegate) is welcome, encouraged, and wanted to please please let me know so I can fix it. Really.

Thanks for reading.
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zorkian: Icon full of binary ones and zeros in no pattern. (Default)
I have a sudden and strange urge to learn Gregorian Chant.
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zorkian: Icon full of binary ones and zeros in no pattern. (Default)
Tonight was almost literally a code implosion.  After I got home from work I took a brief nap, got some food (oatmeal + red bull, heh) and then got to work.  Spent the next four hours straight fixing bugs, implementing things, reviewing patches, and following it all up with a code push.  It's a great feeling to see a plan start to come together.

We're really hoping to double the number of people in closed beta this weekend.  We're waiting on the S2 team at the moment though, as we don't want to loose everybody on core1.  I'm pretty excited!

In other news...

Hmm, not sure what other news I have.  It's now the weekend.  I think [personal profile] nova is planning on coming up tomorrow to work on Dreamwidth.  But that's not "other news" -- that's more of the same!  I guess I'm sort of a broken record lately.  I do really feel that my life only consists of three things right now:
  • work
  • dreamwidth
  • wedding
And to be fair, I'm not doing tons of wedding stuff right now.  I've cancelled my Warcraft accounts, my EVE accounts lie half-cancelled and totally-languishing.  I've not played any games in months.  I've been Mr Focused and Driven.

Driven like a crazy man.

At the one-on-one with my boss this past week, he gave me pretty good feedback.  Says I'm doing really well and he's very happy (and somewhat impressed) at my ramping-up speed.  Today, my tech lead said that he thinks I will be ready for an on-call shift before the traditional six month waiting period - but I don't think I'm going to volunteer quite yet.  ;-)

Time to sleep.

zorkian: Icon full of binary ones and zeros in no pattern. (Default)
Janine posted about personality types a bit ago and that got me thinking.  I dug up the posts I made a while ago and verified that I remembered the letters correctly, now I'm reposting it:

I am an INTJ according to the MBT.  Also called the Mastermind personality.  For me, that description is pretty spot on.  I pride myself on being rational, on solving hard problems, and on pushing things forward.  I don't have time for wasting time.  I have near infinite willpower when I actually decide that doing something is necessary.

It's kind of fascinating how you can break down personalities into types.  I'm also curious how much of this is a self-fulfilling prophecy, though.  We say there are N types, and so people start to fall into those N buckets.  How much is also based on the pressures our society gives?  There's only so many ways a pizza can come out of an oven.

Good stuff!
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Mark Smith

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